Can you teleport things with you? If so, use your ability to start a business importing items to Albania with nearly zero shipping costs, then invest in the local community until it’s a really nice city to teleport home to.

Someone didn’t watch James and the Giant Peach in their formative years and develop confusing feelings about Miss Spider.

Horse Pepsi okay?

Well way back when I was just an itty bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street form Jerry’s Bait Shop (you know the place), well anyway back hen life was goin swell and everything was juuuust PEACHY. Except of course for the undeniable fact that every single morning my mother would feed me a big ol bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast. AHH, a big bowl of sauerkraut! Every single morning! So I says to my mom, I says “hey mom, what’s up with all the sauerkraut?” And my dear sweet mother, she just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train, and she leans right down next to me, and she says “IT"S GOOD FOR YOU!” And then she tied me to a wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth and force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was 26 and a half years old. That’s when I swore that one day, one day I would get out of that basement and travel to a magical faraway place where the sun is always shining, and the air smells like warm root beer, and the towels are oh so fluffy. Where the Shriners and the lepers play their ukeleles all day long, and anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickle. Well let me tell you folks, it wasn’t long at all before my dream came true. Because the very next day this local radio station had this contest to see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy’s butt. I was off by 3. But I still won the grand prize: that’s right, a first-class once-way ticket to AAAAAAAAALBUQUERQUE!

What’s this subliminal antivax meme shit going on in the skeleton image?

Somehow those shoes look like Walton Goggins. I think it’s the teeth.

And so much faster than AI too. As soon as I finished reading the word “tits”, there they were, motorboating my mind’s eye.